Where are all the Male Volunteers?

Where are all the Male Volunteers?

I was reading an article the other day and it was talking about how volunteering in the United Sates has gone down over the last few years. But what got me thinking was the huge difference between male and female volunteers. Us guys barely make up about twenty percent. Now, if you separate the fathers from that number, we are looking pretty sad. As a dad myself, it makes me start to wonder why this is. Especially, when it has shown that a lack of a father figure in the house can lead to a multitude of issues in a child's life.

Now, I understand that in most households if one parent is working it is typically the father. I also know that mothers inherently have a more nurturing personality and will naturally feel the need to be involved in their kid's life. I mean, the word nurturing itself, is based on the word feed, which only a mother can do for their babies.

Anyways, back to my point. There is a seriously lack of dad volunteers. Some will say, what about sports? Yes, there are plenty in sports, but our kids spend most of their lives in school, which is dominated by women. Sports is typically on Saturday and then Sunday is church, which again, is mostly dominated by women teachers. Six days a week our children are being taught by a female authority figure and surround by other female volunteers. Is this the end of the world? No! Do I have anything against women? No! This has nothing to do with gender wars, but there needs to be a light shined on us dads. Are we doing enough? Is there enough balance in our kids life, especially our sons, to show them what it means to act like a real man? Imagine if a group of dads spent time each month to teach boys in school on how to be respectful and kind towards women. Now that's an interesting thought.

Overall, I know a lot of great dads that work full time and their kids are great. However, it would be nice to see more fathers take time out to help in school, church, organizations, etc. and be a male presence in their kids' lives or even for those who lack a father figure in their lives. I challenge all dads to find 2-3 hours in the next two months where they can help in class and read a book to the kids, help with a science project in the classroom, or even go on a field trip. Let's find more time to volunteer for our kids.

A Dad in the World of Moms

As I walk down the isles of Target today picking up schools supplies for my kids, I look around and as usual, I see nothing but moms. It has become a little bit more comfortable for me the last few years, but I have to say, in the beginning stages of our children lives, it was tough. There are not a whole lot of daddy and me classes out there and when you do find a co-ed class, the ratio is about 20:1. I remember I used to go to a parenting class at Pasadena City College and l'd see how long it would take for a mom to talk to me before I would have to start a conversation.

Now, my dream is to not be a stay at home dad and it is hard to not feel like you are not the provider. I think in most males DNA, you want to be the hunter, warrior, and provider. But, like a lot of other dads, you need to make the most of the situation that the Lord has given you at the time. I can't go around thinking that this sucks, because it will only cause damage in my home. However, the difficulty only continues when you decide to stay home. Women tend to only talk with other women or invite each over for play dates. It really wasn't until kinder- garden that I started getting invited to play dates and still, those where few and far between. But I get it. Women don't want to invite another man into their home, especially if they are still breast feeding. It can be an uncomfortable time for women and for their husbands. I think I would even be a little uneasy if my wife hung out with a guy I didn't know well and he was also in my house with my son or daughter.

So, where do you go from there? How do stay at home dads fit into this world that is dominated by women? How can we make it more comfortable for moms and the dads? Truthfully, I don't know, but I think more people should start to think and talk about it. I am now past the baby and toddler phase and life has become more social. I have developed some great friendships with some wonderful moms and I'm close with most of their husbands. But, I have to say, they were not afraid to start the conversation or to approach me before I had to force myself into a group. Being kind and open to both men and women goes a long way. I can understand why women may not want to be vulnerable to a man that is not their husband, but a simple hello is a great first step. 

Seed Without a Label

“Try to see your child as a. Your job is to provide the right environment and nutrients and to pull the weeds. You can’t decide what kind of flower you’ll get or in which season it will bloom.” When we are open to the differences in our children, we’ll give them the soil they need to flourish.

This little piece from “The Blessings of a Skinned Knee” really stuck out to me today. In my journey of fatherhood, there has been a lot of trial and error. Trying over and over to figure out my kids. How much do I feed them? Are they getting too much TV time? What is the best school? Etc…Etc…Etc!! Basically, finding a way to mold them, so that by the time they get into college they are prefect. Now, I haven’t read this whole book yet, but I am really enjoying it. It shines a pretty big spotlight on us parents and shows how society today is messing up our kids. The pressure to succeed, conform to social standards, and eliminating the word average. Either your kid is perfect or has some sort of learning disorder. My son Micah has some speak issues, so I know disorders are very real, but I see myself expecting him and my daughter to strive to be the best. Is it pride or fear of the future, I don’t know. But, what I am reading is that this pressure can cause some serious harm to my child and myself. Even over this past month, I have been dealing with a really bad case of hives caused by stress. I’m not sure what part of my life is causing me to break out, but it has not been fun. Maybe this is just God's way to force me to alleviate  unnecessary pressure in my life. Loosen my grip, so that he can lead. We can’t pick the seed, but I pray that He can help me make some amazing soil.